


Dream of you

by sun_incarnate



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Christmas fic, JUKYU!!!!!!!, M/M, Not Actualy Unrequited Love, Pining, because who would i be if i didnt insert pining into everything, i made jukyu kiss thats all thank u, mentioned Sunwoo and Eric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:42:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28320339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sun_incarnate/pseuds/sun_incarnate
Summary: Because Changmin, whose laughter gets diluted to a grin as he walks up to Juyeon, is both the closest and farthest dream he could ever wish for."Juyeon-ah," he calls, like Juyeon hasn't been staring at him, "Is movie night a go?"
Relationships: Ji Changmin | Q/Lee Juyeon
Comments: 17
Kudos: 88





	Dream of you

**Author's Note:**

> hi :] finally the first jukyu fic under my name (and it isnt the angst one in the drafts thank god) anyways,, i hope you enjoy reading this !!

"That reminds me, I was planning to send Changminnie some kimchi before you move away. He deserves it for being with you for so long!"

It's all good-natured and innocent, it even coaxes joined laughter from both of them, but Juyeon only processes that last sentence after his mother has said her good-byes through the phone.

While it is true that he's been with Changmin for years now (through college through jobs through everything, together), the implications of being _with_ Changmin makes his heart falter the exact same moment his steps do.

Juyeon takes a moment right outside the entrance, stilling himself so he could take in as much air as he possibly can. But it dries on the way down his throat, in the way that only winter air could.

And he looks at how sunset's fast today, the snow in a hurry to fall and steal warmth. He's glad he remembered to take his scarf today, but his growing smile falters when he recalls Changmin entering the studio without one earlier today.

He turns back, already unraveling the loose knot of fabric, but he can see others exiting, Changmin at the center probably still giving advice and reviewing what they have to practice right after the holiday break. And Juyeon stills, content at waiting always.

Because Changmin, whose laughter gets diluted to a grin as he walks up to Juyeon, is both the closest and farthest dream he could ever wish for.

"Juyeon-ah," he calls, like Juyeon hasn't been staring at him, "Is movie night a go?" 

Movie night. Christmas Eve. Cold and snow and honey hotteok and blankets and watching movies at Changmin's apartment. Just the two of them together. Only two, to keep warm and keep company.

Juyeon has no reason to decline, especially not now when it's going to be their last for a while. "Sure." 

Jaehyun pushes past the glass doors of the studio, hollering something about chicken takeouts and hours of noraebang, nudging at Changmin as an invite. He looks to Juyeon too, equal in height so he has to shift his gaze upwards from Changmin.

Changmin follows, reaching up and fluffs Juyeon's hair, shaking snowflakes off him. When he finishes, Juyeon can't help but stare at the way his cheekbones catch the dying light of the day.

"Ah, never mind." And Juyeon sees Jaehyun eyeing him, too open and obvious at what he's implying when he continues, "Juyeonie will probably not want to."

Changmin bites back playfully, his own mischief showing in the shape his mouth makes. "You're saying that as if Juyeon and I come as a unit. Maybe I'd want to go there without Juyeonie, hyung."

Jaehyun raises an eyebrow, and at this point the others have flocked around them too being as Jaehyun's probably who initiated the makeshift party. But his influence had just recently spread to Eric and Sunwoo, whose matching smirks are too knowing to be anything innocent.

"Do you?"

Changmin folds and huffs, although he touches his nose right afterwards. The air had grown colder, and Juyeon finally wraps his own scarf around Changmin, who only snuggles further into his coat and sniffles as he thanks him.

None of this went unnoticed, but only Jaehyun holds something akin to pity in his eyes when he meets Juyeon's stare. He shakes his head, _not now_ , _not from you_ , and Jaehyun turns to urge the others to hug as goodbye.

When it's his turn, his goodbye is more final than the others'. "Merry Christmas, Juyeon-ah. Stay warm and healthy, hm? Even if it's just for Changmin, and I won't hold you to that, promise."

"Will you at least drop by tomorrow?" He holds the younger at arm's length.

It's Changmin that answers during Juyeon's hesitation. "Hyung, it's Christmas day tomorrow. We don't have to come here until after New Year's."

"It's fine, Minnie, hyung must have just forgotten, is all."

Sunwoo and Eric are skipping right ahead, opposite the direction Juyeon has to take with Changmin, and Jaehyun still has a hand on his shoulder. 

Juyeon remedies it with reassurances of updates, reminding the other to take it easy with the alcohol tonight.

"Like you're one to talk. If you come with me you'll see how many bottles I could finish."

Changmin lays his hands against Juyeon's back and pushes away, his own farewell to Jaehyun muttered along with a warning of hangovers, to which Jaehyun just laughs heartily at before going his own way.

It's when they've walked a few blocks into the Christmas night market that Juyeon notices it.

Changmin's shivering, and while he could blame that to the wintry breeze blowing through the streets, the other's also clenching his hands while blowing at them.

Juyeon clicks his tongue, because how could he have not noticed it earlier, and he takes one of Changmin's hands to hold in his before placing both inside his own coat's pocket. "Put your other hand inside your pockets, Min."

Changmin's breath is white in the air. "Yeah, yeah," he pouts through the words but his eyes give his happiness away more than the way his thumb drags across the back of Juyeon's hand.

All the while, they peer through the stalls, christmas carols loud in the air, enticed by the sweet potatoes and steaming tteokbokki on cups, both almost giving in but when Changmin tugs on his hand to smack at Juyeon he realizes they're still entwined so he gives out.

"You know you have your other hand, right?"

"Shut up," but his cheeks go even redder. "I don't have gloves, remember?"

Juyeon drags him back to the stall and orders two servings of tteokbokki. "Just say you didn't want to let go of my hand, Changmin-ah."

Mariah Carey's crooning her song and Juyeon thinks about what he wants for Christmas.

"Yeah, I didn't want to."

 _No_. 

Changmin waits, for retort or reply or anything of Juyeon to argue against. _It isn't like that for him, Juyeon._ "But you'll have to, because now that we've bought the food, how are we supposed to eat these?"

"Auntie," Changmin turns to the lady vendor instead, but not before tightening his hold on Juyeon, like he wants to prove something, "Can we have those for take-out instead?"

When Juyeon ends up taking the food, ("Juyeon-ah, I still don't have gloves.") Changmin hurries their pace, pulling on until the apartment is in sight.

The bustling of the night market has long since faded away, but there remains the echoing of christmas songs all over the neighborhood, of families gathered in their homes. 

Both of them are just one bus ride away from their hometowns and families, but Changmin's hired as a choreographer for something long-term over the holidays, so all his hours have to be spent here. It's brought him to quiet tears, secret ones that only Juyeon had been allowed to see (he'd only chanced upon the sight, Changmin furiously wiping at his eyes after coming out the locked bathroom stall, his phone still displaying his mother's contact). 

Juyeon sees how Changmin stares straight up ahead, content to humming along the songs drifting out his neighbors' windows. He must miss them, Juyeon thinks, but he stops himself before he could think up reasons why Changmin would miss _him_.

He ignores it, because when they finally enter Changmin's apartment the first things he sees are the framed photos of the family lining the wall at eye level, how Changmin finally lets go of Juyeon's hand to touch a photo of Ghana and him. 

"Ghana-yah," he says, and Juyeon busies himself with unlacing his shoes to give him some semblance of privacy, "Sorry I won't be home. But Juyeonie's staying with me for the holidays, so don't worry too much, hm?"

Changmin is a moving constance, staying true to those he holds to his heart. It's no surprise how they've been friends for almost a decade now, how routine and habits had been shared along with the schedule of their lives, so much so that Juyeon wouldn't be able to recall a day without Changmin's presence in his life.

 _All of which has made us, us_.

When Juyeon finally stands, Changmin's already at the kitchen, taking out ingredients and lining them up at the counter. 

"Juyeon-ah," he says, voice a little strained but Juyeon will make sure to chalk any tears up to the onions he's yet to start chopping, "can you cook some of that creamy pasta from before?"

And almost an hour later they've filled the table with what feast they can whip up, not needing much when there's only two of them anyway. The tteokbokki gets finished first, then the home-made honey hotteok, then the pasta last. They leave the dishes, resolving the matter by deciding to just wash them after the movies.

While Juyeon heats up milk to make hot chocolate, he lets Changmin start up the movies. When he heads back, mugs in hand, he isn't so surprised to see that Changmin's picked another Home Alone movie. 

"Come on, Juyeon-ah," he takes his drink and sips until he gets few of the marshmallows floating in it, "Quit acting like you don't enjoy this movie."

When he settles down the couch, he thinks of what he's seen of Changmin tonight, and how he'll take the news of Juyeon moving away before New Year's.

Changmin shrieks along to the movie's noise ("How could a kid think like that? Would you have thought of plans like that, Juyeon-ah?"), and Juyeon prolongs this night with him by focusing on replying to all of Changmin's questions best as he can.

Although the finality is hard to not think of, Juyeon's focus lasts until the second part of the movie without rehearsing in his head the reasons he'll lay out to Changmin. He drifts out of focus, but the other must have noticed, taking Juyeon's barely-halved mug and putting it down the coffee table.

"Okay, what's going on?" (More demand than question, really.)

Juyeon startles out of drafting his finalized farewell sentences in his mind, turning only to see Changmin already staring at him, both feet digging in the spaces underneath Juyeon's thighs.

"What d'you mean? Kevin's just put tar all over the staircases so—"

"No, I meant." He pauses, like he's already predicting how Juyeon would react to being questioned. "You're distracted, Juyeon-ah. Is something wrong?"

 _Ah, not the movies then_. Juyeon thinks of the opportunity presented to him, finally an opening to let Changmin know. Should he? Or should he not? Should he just wait for the morning to come and not let Changmin sleep with the knowledge of his best friend leaving him?

He's debating the pros and cons of whatever decision he may come up with (his mother had taught him to never sleep a problem away) when Changmin pushes his feet deeper, pinching Juyeon's skin between leather and fabric.

"What's it." Now it doesn't come off as a question.

Nothing in his voice lilts, and this is what Changmin's like when he's teaching. No questions and no straying, this straightforwardness he holds himself to and expects from those around him.

Which is also what makes the decision for Juyeon.

"I'll have to move soon, so this might be our last movie night for some time." Some time. Like he isn't sure he'd only be visiting Seoul maybe once every half a year.

"Moving? To where?"

"Eh, just," Juyeon thinks of a way to phrase this so it doesn't come off like he wants to get rid of Changmin. He, in fact, never does. "Two hours drive?" 

Changmin sets down his chocolate and stares at his hand when he counts. (In subway times most likely, even though Changmin's always preferred the metro buses. Maybe he wants a faster way to Juyeon.) His pout becomes clearer for each second he spends thinking, and Juyeon focuses on the shape of it.

"You're going back?"

"Yes." It's better that he keeps everything simple.

"And leave the studio? What on earth would you be doing there?"

"Uh, work... at a studio."

Changmin deadpans. "You're leaving the studio, leaving _me—_ " he points a finger to himself, right at his heart, and the emphasis does a little something to Juyeon—"to go work at another studio?"

"Yeah, I figured I'd, you know." He looks unimpressed (maybe even disappointed, if Juyeon lets his hopes cloud him). "Yeah."

"If it's the living expenses, you could just move here with me," Changmin says, so matter-of-fact and so so _him_ that Juyeon finds his truth astounding.

But; "It's not just that, Min-ah."

He looks dejected, and even though Juyeon always wants to carry his own burdens by himself he can't help but relent, always easy to break when it's about Changmin.

"Mom called two days ago, said something about wanting me there where I'm nearer."

It's simple, really. But Changmin never questions, never says " _That's it?_ " because he understands where all of this stems from. They're both in the middle of their 20's, and their parents aren't getting any younger. 

"She said it's still up to me, though. Just that if I still plan to stay, then I should come home often."

Changmin retracts his feet and reaches to tap around, soothing the pain that isn't really there but Juyeon would not comment on that because he likes it when Changmin reaches out to care.

The prods to his thighs are still there, though now it turns to absent-minded touches. "But if you do need a new place, you know you can come live with me."

Changmin nods towards the other room, the room with cabinets holding Juyeon's spare clothes and toiletries. He's aware of how easy it had always been to move around the house, how every morning after movies Changmin drinks coffee from a cup with a giraffe motif, how he's gotten Juyeon a cat-themed one to match.

Juyeon is too close to this dream that feels too far still.

So what else has he got to say? He'd take every chance at closeness, besides the convenience of the proposal. Like he'd never wanted to be with ( _with_ ) Changmin _,_ anyway. "Really?" 

"Yeah, really."

"Split rent and bills, all the usual roommate goodies." _Well, Merry Christmas to me_. "You can take the other room. You practically lived here, you won't have to worry about it Juyeon-ah."

Look, Juyeon might be reading the situation wrong, or everything that they've been for the past few weeks may have been nothing to the others, may have been just Juyeon assuming the possibility of what he could be allowed to have only if it comes along with the promise of Changmin. 

Held hands during the walk home to share warmth. Eyes lighting up in delight from it. Bodies pressed with no memory of awkward tension, just pure ease and bliss while basking in each other's presence. Thoughtfulness and concern and unwavering comfort always. All these little things that Juyeon has witnessed and still continues to, because Changmin is never one to stray from habit, and for him to mold a physical space in his life to fit Juyeon into must mean something.

So really, can he be blamed when he leans forward to kiss him?

And it's perfect, by the way. It is right amounts of soft and pressing at the same time, the movie they're watching now faded to background static. Juyeon's neck might be aching and Changmin might be too pushed to the back of the couch but it's theirs and it's true and it's perfect.

Except, maybe a bit belatedly, Juyeon realizes how Changmin's stayed still, how Changmin's stiff and unresponsive. How Changmin hasn't moved at all. 

How Changmin has stayed still. 

Juyeon springs back, almost hitting the other end of the sofa.

"Oh… um," Changmin stammers. Juyeon fights back a wince. 

"Uh, no, sorry, I shouldn't have done that." _Stupid. Stupid._

Changmin's touching his lips and Juyeon wants to run away, flee and advance his last pay so he could undergo major appearance change or whatever anything, anything that will save him from the embarrassment of Changmin staring at him.

"Sorry, sorry Minnie, I thought we—"

"No, I just, I just wasn't ready—"

What. 

Juyeon almost gawks.

Changmin still just stares.

Then he presses his lips together, relaxes them, then looks almost expectantly to Juyeon who's followed every move with his eyes. 

"I'm ready now."

_What?_

"Ready… you're ready for what exactly?" 

He does not get a reply.

What Juyeon gets instead, is the faint sweet of marshmallow and rich chocolate against his lips. And when he moves to have more of it, he realizes what's happening.

Changmin's taking the lead, and if not for the suddenness of everything Juyeon might have just knocked on his head to make sure he's still sane. 

Because Changmin's kissing him. _Him_. Hand curling against the curve of his neck, thumb tracing the dips of his throat and clavicle, too slow and gentle that Juyeon has all the time in the world to realize that this is real.

Juyeon's glad they've let go of their drinks beforehand, now that Changmin's almost clambering up his lap while kissing him. But the inconvenience of spilt drinks gets pushed to the back of his mind, for contrast to from before when it's Changmin pressed flush against the couch, now it's Juyeon settling against the throw pillows, breathing ignored to let out pleas by way of whispering Changmin's name.

His thighs fold on either side of Juyeon's, maintaining tender lip-lock pace but the firm touch against Juyeon's jaw has him thinking that maybe Changmin has wanted this for some time, too.

And breathless, like he always is when it comes to anything concerning the other, "Changmin-ah," he gasps out, body heating when now he realizes he's too close too quick too real against his dream.

Changmin, all of the grace comprising his being melting into the silken way he thumbs at the pulse on Juyeon's neck, looks every bit as afraid Juyeon is.

But their proximity betrays everything, now when Juyeon still has a hand halfway to encasing his whole waist, now when Changmin's mere breath against his lips turns his blood to molten surges of heat.

"How long, Juyeon." 

And there again. A question phrased like a demand, and Changmin's looking for Juyeon's truths once more.

He goes back to kissing him, a simple press that opens up to something more insistent this time, like he thinks if he goes deep enough he'd taste the answers off of Juyeon's tongue. And much as he wants to answer, Juyeon isn't really opposed to letting Changmin have his way this time.

Which is why it takes time for Juyeon to think of how to answer, and the chance only comes when Changmin deems it right, separating the moment Juyeon's hand comes in contact with the bare skin under his hoodie.

"Oh, I'm sorry, not now, I understand." But Changmin just chuckles, shifting and reaching back to get Juyeon's cat mug.

"Not now, yes, but we'll have time for," he clears his throat, cheeks red as his swollen lips, "that."

When the rim gets pushed against Juyeon's still-tender lips, he expects for the drink to still be steaming, automatically letting out a hiss when the liquid touches his lips. But it isn't anymore.

Changmin laughs at him. "Think the chocolate's still hot, Juyeon-ah?" 

He doesn't reply and continues drinking, throat parched and breath hitching along with every swallow he makes. Changmin plays with his hands, and Juyeon debates whether confessions would still hold their value if he does it without meeting Changmin's eyes.

"Months, Changmin. I've been, for months."

(It was when Changmin's just finished practicing a routine he's made, basing off of his strengths, and Juyeon realizes he's mistaken admiration as diluted envy.

Changmin who packs so much power in his smaller hands and slighter frame, who Juyeon has constantly thought of as someone unreachable until that day, that sliver of time when his smile had been pressed to Juyeon's neck in an embrace celebrating a major project handed to him.

When he's suddenly too close, and Juyeon settles on the comfort of it.

When every moment thereafter was spent trying to make himself look and dance as gracefully as he can, to match Changmin's unbridled resolve and ruthlessness in everything. Raw intensity besides unassuming grace, and Juyeon dreams, dreams, dreams.)

"I've dreamed for months."

Changmin shakes him, hands on his shoulders until his squeals die down to labored breathing, until his hand slides down to where Juyeon can feel his chest thunder up at the feeling. "You could have told me!"

He bumps his head against Juyeon's chest, groaning all the while, "Or I should have. I thought you were just being considerate of me all this time, thought you knew but didn't want to hurt me with a rejection."

"Wait, you what?"

Changmin looks back up but he's hiding his face behind his hands, but when Juyeon touches them they unravel in an instant. 

"I'm saying we could have had months of this," he gestures between both of them, but his finger points to their lips so Juyeon thinks he's going crazy, "if only either of us confessed earlier."

Juyeon still has to think of a final decision regarding him moving away (he doesn't want to), worry over the dishes on the sink (they can both work on that one), and this more pressing matter of Changmin apparently liking him back for as long as he had been.

Too many things going on at once, too many that need his attention and focus. But the movie's off and the chocolates' gone and nothing else is happening at the moment, this when Changmin's still with him, sweet lips and an even sweeter smile all for him in waking reality.

So really, can he be blamed when he leans forward to kiss him again?

**Author's Note:**

> for a christmas fic it didnt really feel christmassy did it,,,,, tho if youre a jukyu stan and you wanna witness me spam jukyu content here are my socials!!
> 
> [my twt!](https://mobile.twitter.com/jjukyus) [my curiouscat!](https://curiouscat.qa/kyuisms)


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